15:20 - 26/12/2011

There were times I thought that I'm fine with seeing you everyday, little bit here, little bit there; fine with knowing you doing your best, you busy with your schedule in AKB48 and such.. may be I'm wrong.

I want to see your solo debut, I want to see you cry and smile and speechless when you heard the news about your solo, I want to hear you sing more songs.. I want to see you reach your dream.. May be I am that greedy.

I'm not happy with Mayu or Wasamin debut. I know you'll happy for them, I also know that you will congrats them from bottom of your heart, with your sincerity.. but I'm not. and I'm not going to. What do they have that you don't? What did they do to deserve that solo? what did you NOT do for AKB and everyone else to not deserved a solo debut that you dream about for years? May be I am that selfish.

I used to think that if I can save more and more, I will be able to go to Japan, watching you on stage, in concert and such. But now, if I have my chance, I will give up everything just to see you in higher position, in higher ranking, to prove that Takamina's wotas ARE still here! to prove that.. you deserve more than what you have now.

Please, my little girl, wakes up. Dream does come true if you know what to do. AKB48 is important to you, it's true, but how about you? how about yourself and your dream? Why dont you go take care of yourself first before thinking for others? You sure can lead them, doesn't mean that you have to sacrify for them! and why on earth that they don't sacrify themself instead? For everything you did for them? I know it sounds terrible, but it's reality. Why is that, you are the one who takes all the responsibilities and burdens in that small shoulder, so that they can feel free to show off themselves while you stay behind, support them and all? WHY?

I know it's all about agency and staff and AKip.. but still.. I love you so much that it hurts to see I can do nothing but wait. It hurts to see that you are..you, and I both hate and love you for that...

#emo mode in a boring day. (_ _||)